I truly love myself and who I am becoming. But right now, I am struggling. Hamster on a Wheel is a 2 AM voice memo pressed into lo-fi, a raw spoken confession over warm tape hiss, one fingerpicked guitar, and vinyl crackle, unpolished on purpose, because this is the part of healing nobody posts. The chorus asks what everyone doing the work eventually asks: I often feel like I'm a hamster on a wheel, why the hell can't I just heal, why after all this time am I still mad, still sad, why does the pain still feel so bad? She's done the therapy, the journaling, all the "right" things, but healing doesn't follow rules or come wrapped up in bows and strings, and some days she's still that broken version she thought she outgrew while everyone's Instagram looks healed and whole. The whispered bridge holds the hardest-won truth in the catalog: maybe there's no finish line, maybe healing is just learning to be okay with not being okay all the time. Her soul is tired, but the light's at the end of the tunnel and she'll do whatever it takes. The wheel keeps turning, but maybe she's not stuck. Maybe she's just learning how to trust the process, even when it sucks. Written by Pamela Arsena. Pamela's Mystical Musings on the Pamela Arsena label.
I am thankful that the last few years Are so much better than the first few. While things are not perfect, There are things I am thankful for I truly love myself and who I am becoming. But right now I am struggling, This sense of isolation is profound and real. I often feel like I am a hamster on a wheel, I often wonder why the hell can't I just heal? Why is it after all this time I am still mad? Why after all this time I am still sad? Why after all this time does the pain still feel so bad? I see their Instagram posts, all healed and whole, While I'm still picking up pieces, patching my soul. I've done the therapy, journaling, all the "right" things, But healing doesn't follow rules, or come all wrapped up in bows and strings. I thought by now I'd be different, transformed, brand new, But some days I'm still that broken version I thought I outgrew. But right now I am struggling, This sense of isolation is profound and real. I often feel like I am a hamster on a wheel, I often wonder why the hell can't I just heal? Why is it after all this time I am still mad? Why after all this time I am still sad? Why after all this time does the pain still feel so bad? Maybe there's no finish line, Maybe healing is just learning to be okay With not being okay all the time. But damn, my soul is tired And some days I feel my heart is about to break. But I keep telling myself The light's at the end of the tunnel And I'll do whatever it takes. I often feel like I am a hamster on a wheel, I often wonder why the hell can't I just heal? Why is it after all this time I am still mad? Why after all this time I am still sad? Why after all this time does the pain still feel so bad? The wheel keeps turning, But maybe I'm not stuck Maybe I'm just learning How to trust the process, Even when it sucks.
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